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Tuesday, 24 February 2009

David Wain — director of “Role Models”

David Wain — director of “Role Models” and “Wet Hot American Summer and creator of “Stella” and “The State” — is live blogging the Oscars for MTV! Stay here throughout the night for up to the minute commentary.

Hi everyone and welcome to my Oscar live blog! This is it! The big night has finally arrived. I knew there would be a lot of stars out tonight - but I had no idea there would be over A DOZEN stars! Boy do we have a lot to talk about. I’ll be updating you all moment by moment with my witty thoughts and reports… and away we go!

8:08 p.m. ET: So just to set the scene, I’m here in Hollywood, just a few miles from the site of the Oscars! I’m staying at the home of my friend and major movie star Elizabeth Banks, sitting in her TV room, watching the show!

Elizabeth Banks is not here with me, because she got invited to the Vanity Fair party. If I’d been invited to that, I’d be there and not blogging with all of you. So it’s a win win! Here’s Elizabeth and her husband Max right before they left!

8:11: I’m wearing a button down shirt from The Gap, my jeans are from The Gap, the socks and shoes are from The Gap.

8:12: Definitely post your thoughts and questions in the comments section and I’ll respond as appropriate. They said that Josh Brolin is “nominated for Milk” - which I think is great but they really should nominate him for his acting, in my opinion.

8:17: Rachel Getting Married - my pick for best film of the year. But the academy didn’t nominate it for Best Picture or Best Director. What’s their problem? Also no nominations for my own movie ROLE MODELS that comes out on DVD March 10th? What’s the deal with that?

8:19: Mickey Rourke - wearing a picture of his dog (R.I.P.) - that’s NICE. The guy said he looks like he’s dressed like “Saturday Night Live” but I’m pretty sure he meant “Saturday Night Fever.”

8:21: Kate Winslet is like the Meryl Streep of actresses.

8:24: I met Richard Jenkins at a party the other night NO JOKE. He was telling a story about how he brought a guy named Oscar into Trinity Rep (a theater company in Rhode Island). Then I said, “And this weekend you’ll be taking Oscar home!!” and he just stared at me for a while then he said “oh now I get it. Ha.” Boy did I feel like a d–k.

8:30: Okay the show is beginning! I’m so excited I’m pooing in my pants! But don’t worry, I’ll wait till after the show to clean up so I don’t miss a beat of the proceedings.

8:32: I didn’t realize that Huge Ackman was hosting - I LOVE him.

8:35: Now I’ve moved into a new room so i can hear the doorbell in case any friends come over.

8:36: Now about this opening number. Hmmm. The joke I think is that it’s cheap and lame. Perfect!

8:42: Sorry tuned out for a while during the opening number. I was checking to see what’s in the Banks refrigerator. Not bad:

8:48: Supporting actress presenters: Whoopi NAILED it with her sly references to “Sister Act.” Whoopi you can be my “sister” any time! And by “sister” I mean “lover.” Goldie Hawn has very strange chest muscles.

8:50: I think Penelope Cruz is a deserving winner of the first award! Although I heard a rumor that the academy wanted to give the Oscar to Elizabeth Banks for her role as “Beth” in ROLE MODELS. But there was a scandal involving a fridge.

9:00: “WALL-E” - another movie that should have been nominated for best picture and best director. What in the hell? And congrats to Dustin Lance Black who won for MILK, but really, am I the only one who thought he took a fascinating life story and shoe-horned it into the cliche bio-pic formula?

9:01: John Patrick Shanley wrote a great screenplay for “Doubt,” but honestly he stole TONS of it from the play “Doubt” including, shamelessly, even the title.

9:09: Did anyone see “Kung Fu Panda” — that movie was awesome! Also regarding Jennifer Aniston — I had afternoon tea with her recently, FOR REAL. She was beautiful and charming. And a little girl came up to her and asked her to sign her little sidekick with her finger on the touch screen. And J.A. did it, with aplomb.

9:12: Got a communique from Elizabeth and Max - on the way to the Vanity Fair party: “We are sitting with Tom Ford, some other big fashion guy whose name I can’t spell, and Uma Thurman. I have no game at all.”

9:19: Some friends finally came over! Mather Zickel (the great actor you might recognize as “Kieran” from “Rachel Getting Married” or from my movie “The Ten”) and CJ Arabia from! And their rescue dog Molly, only a week out of the shelter!

9:21: I think they’ve done some significant tweaking of Sarah Jessica Parker’s breasts some time between the red carpet and her presentation.

9:29: Sorry, I think they gave out some more awards, I sort of spaced out for a while. I did love the “romance” montage, particularly all the making out at the end. Making out is so fun because, like you get to make out with the girl, you know? And it means she likes you more than friends, at least for that moment.

9:36: Well played, Mr. Stiller, well played.

9:41: Thank god we have wings! My friend Peter Salett (who did songs and cameo roles in my movies “Wet Hot American Summer,” “The Ten,” and “Role Models”) and his wife Cynthia just showed up with a bounty from Hot Wings Cafe. Thank god because I’m starving.

9:50: The comedy montage was their way of saying “thanks to all the comedies for making so much money for our industry, and sorry we never nominate any of them!” And yes, it would have been nice if they’d included “Role Models” but we’re happy just to be nominated.

9:54: Report from my friend Michael Showalter in NYC: “Watching “Iron Chef.” Bobby Flay just opened a tin can of coconut juice with a meat cleaver!!! OMG!”

9:58: A nice shout out to Baz Luhrmann, because he’s the inventor of the annoying cinematic musical medley.

10:00: Mather watching the musical medley, not enjoying it.

10:07: Very respectful for Philip Seymour Hoffman to wear his yarmulke here in the temple of celluloid dreams.

10:12: From Rob Corddry (of Children’s Hospital on “I don’t have a joke for how much of a douche Kevin Kline is.”

10:27: A few random notes: 1) How they picked only five nominees for documentary short subject, I don’t know. 2) Hooray for “Man on Wire,” truly one of the best movies of the year. 3) The wings are starting to be felt in my tummy and my tummy is NOT happy about it. 4) The J.C. Penney commercial was curiously erotic 5) My Oscar party is seriously high gear. I hope the cops don’t show up soon.

10:31: Mather and CJ went to the “Rachel Getting Married” party on Friday night at the Chateau Marmont. They say that Jodie Foster and Debra Winger were very chatty. Anne Hathaway asked CJ to make a replica of the Aretha Franklin inauguration hat (which is CJ’s thing these days). They served sliders and cupcakes. I think this was identical to the party that I went to for “The Visitor” in the same location.

10:35: My friend A. D. Miles in NYC says, re: “Benjamin Button”: “SFX cannot conceal the flaw in logic with this movie. He should have turned into A GIANT BABY! Why doesn’t anyone talk about this?”

10:38: Okay at this point, tallying up all the awards…including the scientific and technical awards, “Role Models” has gotten none. Still more to go, fingers crossed!

10:44: Peter says “Just what Jerry Lewis always dreamed - his movie career paid tribute to on the Oscars, set to the music of Coldplay.”

10:50: Jerry Lewis rocks! He is a true inspiration to all of us comedians. I can only hope to live up to his example, as I continue to make my beloved, critically acclaimed, award-winning web series Wainy Days.

11:02: I think when we look back on this year’s Oscars, one phrase will come to mind: “GUMP HAPPENED”

11:07: Liam Neeson presenting - it’s like Oskar Schindler giving out Oscar statues! That is TOO FUNNY.

11:08: From my friend Jonathan Stern in NY “Tonight, the promise that is television shined its brightest. Suspense, drama, surprises, all manner of human emotion. A truly riveting hour of THE UNIT on CBS.”

11:10: Comedian Eddie Brill says “Congrats to Slumdog Squarepants!” and “New Category: Best Nehru by a winner”

11:15: Mather doing his death montage duet with Queen Latifah:

11:17: Here’s to the great Paul Newman… pride of my home town of Shaker Heights, Ohio.

11:21: Seeing Reese Witherspoon reminds me how much I love the way female movie stars make their shoulders and sternocleidomastoids extremely muscular, tan and glittery. I’m not kidding, I really love that a lot. I got the proper term “sternocleidomastoids” from Cynthia who is a licensed massage therapist and anatomy teacher.

11:28: Report from Elizabeth Banks at the Vanity Fair party: “My dress is so tight I almost passed out…but I’m okay because I loosened the corset”:

11:30: We miss the clips from the various performances, instead of this weird new thing of all the actresses gushing at each other. It’s sort of like eulogies or “American Idol” evaluations. Plus let’s be honest, these people hate each other.

11:32: New York Post headline prediction: “KATE WINS IT!”

11:33: Michael Ian Black says “By the time this thing is over, there’s going to be a lot of ‘SLUMDOG BILLIONAIRES!!!’”

11:34: Rod Cone says “It’s good to see Sophia Loren wearing Montalban’s chestpiece from ‘Wrath of Khan’”

11:38: It bears repeating, to the ladies: take your shoulders, pump them up, sprinkle some glitter on there, tan ‘em down and you’ve got me.

11:44: YES! Spicoli wins it! Sweet! Dude!

11:50: Okay now seriously: Sean Penn is very cool.

11:52: Best pronunciations of the year: a tie between “When the president does it, it’s NAWT illegal!” and “Who wants to be a MILLINAIRE”?

11:53: Pre-production has just begun for “Slumdog Billionaire.”

11:54: Oscar joke for a few years back: “Have you heard there’s going to be a sequel to ‘Brokeback Mountain?’”

“Really, what’s it called?”

“‘Brokeback Mountain II’”

12:01 a.m.: Well folks, of course “Slumdog” won best picture. British movies about game shows in India tend to do well every time. Thank you for reading this blog, I hope you’ve enjoyed our time together. Remember, movies are the windows to the human soul, but also take time to turn off the TV and breathe some fresh air outdoors, read a good book, or just hug your friends. Then when you’re done with that check out the DVD (and the original soundtrack CD) of ROLE MODELS coming March 10th! Bye!

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